What's missing from your record?

Yesterday in our gospel doctrine lesson we talked about 3 Ne 23. The Savior asks Nephi to bring the records for him to look at. He examines them closely and then points out a particular prophecy that was missing. Since prophets have told us that we should keep our own records, I wonder if the Savior were to ask to see my record, what would he point out was missing. I suspect a great deal. Since it's been a while since I shared a journal experience I thought I would share an entry I wrote a year ago today.

"Today was Adams Lindsey's funeral. It was quite a remarkable experience for me. I was struck by several things. It was a very simple funeral. There were only two or three flower arrangements, and they were very small -- not even a casket spray. There were not a lot of tears or drama, but the talks were very inspiring. They caused me to reflect on my own life. I don't feel like I have truly been "tested" in this life. Perhaps my real challenges are still to come. Perhaps they have been here around me and I simply haven't seen them as challenges, but it seems to me that my life has been a constant stream of blessings. When I learn about someone like Adams, who has faced so many difficult things and been so faithful, so positive, such an example to others, I wonder if I would have the faith and strength of character to live as she has. I love the C.S. Lewis quote:

'No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the enemy army by fighting it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have led a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it; and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means.'

My life seems to have been filled with gentle summer breezes. Could I walk against a hard wind? Can I resist temptation -- not the easy things like being honest, attending church meetings, paying tithes and being generous to others, but the hard things -- things like being proud, judging others, being impatient, being jealous, comparing myself to others. Will I be able to stay on my feet when the strong winds blow? I worry about this, because as the years pass and age becomes a factor I don't seem to have the stamina and endurance that I used to have. I guess it's all part of the 'enduring to the end' process."

This old "enduring to the end" stuff is way harder than I ever dreamed. Thank goodness there is still time to repent!